So recently I got a bit of terrible news. The kind that makes you question just about everything... even your own sanity. I can't change it, I can only accept it. Or I can hate it.
(FYI, no one died).
At first I took it really well, it seemed so surreal, I just couldn't really grasp it. But the more time goes by, the more real it becomes. And it is starting to affect me negatively. In order to not let it get to me, I went through this phase (or am going through this phase) where I feel like I have to revamp my life. I am trying to be super wife/mom/woman, and I'm being hyper vigilant about everything. I even thought about starting a new blog about something... setting a goal to get through the 9 huge boxes of fabric I have saved (thinking this might give me purpose...yeah right).
I thought I could escape the past by being this insanely "ideal" person in the now and future. Escapism, what a cheap imitation for real coping.
But I don't want to cover up the real me with this stupid super-persona, or a blog that won't really help me become anything, except for maybe a little more pressed for time. I just want to be me, and realize that it is enough. My purpose and individual worth is not contingent upon anyone else, nor is my happiness a consequence of another persons happiness or unhappiness. I am not at the mercy of other peoples mistakes. I am Camry Tucker. I have a beautiful marriage, a wonderful daughter, a safe home, and one heck of a life.
So lately my emotions have been up, down, and all round. I might have a bit of the crazies, I think it runs in the family. But after all, don't we all have a bit of the crazies?
3 comments:
Trials that are so personal are the hardest. It's hard to talk about them and even if we do, it's difficult for someone else to understand the emotion we're feeling. I think it finally comes down to you and the Savior.
When I get overwhelmed with a trial I try to think about how the Lord has prepared me for it. He knew it would happen, He knew the timing and who would be around to help me. Of course it doesn't make everything all better but sometimes it helps me help myself. We also need time to grieve and not feel guilty for feeling hurt, upset, etc.
You are so strong, Camry! If anyone can handle the crazies, it's you!
Hey girl....you know I know how you feel :)
Seriously call me sometime. Morgan, my mom, or grandma's got my number (I don't want to post it).
You've got your head on straight, just takes a little bit of time and a lot of appreciation for what you have.
Love ya!!!
Hang in there! sorry it took me a while to post. I read this when you posted it and I just wanted to give you a big hug and tell you that you are so amazing.
You are fantastic the way you are. Don't doubt yourself because of the things that surround you.
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